Upd8

It’s been a while since I’ve posted a blog, and now is a good time to post an update. Looking back on old memories is a great way to rejuvenate yourself. Looking back is good. Looking back… Looking back. Looking back is looking back. I’ve learned that.

That was my problem. I was looking back. Not looking forward.

Someone special to me has opened my eyes to the world. I had earlier convinced myself that I am two people. E-Ethan and Ethan. Diagas and Ethan. Two lives. Two personalities.

You can’t live life with two personalities. It doesn’t mesh well. Confused, awkward social situations in face-to-face life; disconnected feeling from the world. Depressed feelings, not depression; fyi, Depression is a clinical diagnosis that needs a proper prognosis for chemical imbalance; depressed feelings is when you feel sad, disconnected, and unloved. I had those feelings.

Anyways. In the latter end of the year 2008, I had become a guild leader in World of Warcraft. I still don’t regret doing that though. It’s quite an experience to manage total strangers and coordinate them into synchronized patterns. Quite a puzzle it was. But it was stressful. It was taking a toll on everything else, just for me to be a good guild leader.

It was Christmas week, so I told the guild that we should take some time off. I was.. really, really not looking forward to going to this Christmas party. Every year, for the past.. 3-4 years? I think 3. We go to this Christmas party with family friends, everyone gets drunk, a dog humps something, and yeah. It’s the same every year. But this year, it made me realize, I miss out on a lot of things. A lot of things because I was too focused on my guild.

So. With a lot of doubt in my mind, I get back from Christmas fiascos on the 26th, with a raid to lead. I basically just told everyone “buh-bye” and left, Lol. Special person convinces me to get an Xbox, so I get one, and it’s been history since. My split personality is no more. I’m me. I’m happy.

I feel like it’s 2006 again. And I haven’t been happier since.

Risks aren’t as intimidating anymore; I feel serenity for taking chances. I feel much more comfortable asking people for things, talking to people, getting closer to people, becoming people’s friends. I’m sure this sounds trivial to most reading this, but it has always been a struggle for me.

It’s like a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders again; I can finally be me again. I <3 my special person so much, that I’ll name him: Mito, Charles, Frozen Skies.

Anyways. Since my departure of being a psychopath, I’ve been having fun hanging out with JD still. I am still connected with Krinn and Colin as well (who has just left for Boot Camp yesterday.. he will be back in 8 weeks just fine.). Draike, not so much. He’s 100% WoW, so I don’t really bother. I also talk/play with Charles, and his friend Catherine too on occasion. It’s much more fun than WoW ever was, and I really enjoy it.

Work is going SPLENDID! All day at work Monday, I was told how they are planning on moving people up to be servers within a month, and how my manager, Frank, really wants me to be bumped up. So I smiled, and laughed. I can’t wait to be a server. >:3

I love being a dork. And I love dorks too. That’s why all of my friends are dorks, and geeks, and dweebs, because cool people are broing. But, in turn, all of my friends are cool; they are definitely not boring. They’re the most interesting people I’ve ever met; that’s why they’re my friends.

I wish I were swimming in high school. A year ago, I was dredding/hating swimming. Now I want it back. I can’t get it back. So, to keep looking forward, I will do just that. More gym swimming.

What’s made me smile the most are my friends. New ones and old ones making a cool star appearance like Cher in Will and Grace. Or Raven in Cory In The House. Or. Ashley Tisdale. Um. Wow. Wowiee. I have no good examples. How about Kim Possible in that Lilo and Stitch episode? That was pretty kewl.
ANYWAYS
New friends being cool and accepting. Cool people like

Amandamcauley. I want to meet more Amandas, because they are awesome. Rekindling old friendships.

Stephanie, I finally got you to hang out with me, and now we’re getting good again, and that makes me happy. We have a lot to look forward to together, I think. I think so at least. I feel like even though we went through horrible times together, that you can relate to me on a lot of things. Even though at times I wanted to just forget you exist, I can’t. I care about you a lot, and I’m sure you care about me too. Even if you do have a hectic, busy life, I’m going to shove myself into it from now on. >:)

Lisa, I dunno why I gave up on you randomly last year, but I want to MEAT YOU (vegetarian pun.. omg.. oh CHUTE I just got a buncha them.) soon and talk about how getting ice cream is exciting. omggg I can’t wait seriously

Charles, we can’t stop destiny. Don’t be grinchin’ on my Christmas, dawg. I think you’re more than just a lame inside joke though. :| My only regret is that you’re too cool to play lame xbox games with me a lot. d/w, I’ll be da best RE5 partner ever. I’ll put you ahead of JD on my #1 partner list for that game. As long as I get to be Shiva. :3 And you should really know that the road trip idea sounds AMAZINGGG to me. I’m glad you found me. I really am. Thank you.

Kim K, I watch old videos of us dancing to music in the car, and I miss it so much. You saved me so much out of horrible times, I don’t know why I was a jerk to you too. I had a dream the other night that you came back to come to the first day of this year’s morning practice just to be the first in line with me, like we always were for 3 years. Haha. I loved that.

JD is awesome because he’s the only one who can truly understand my humor, and brings out the most immature side of me ever. But also is a respectable noble of his profession, and can critique the finest college professors, like Pat. Lolpat.

Brian Crowder if you weren’t in Santa Cruz I think we’d hang out a lot. I need more guys to hang out with. I really do. Wowieee. But yeah, you get everything that I get. IF that makes sense. It will, because you get it. Haha. I don’t know why I didn’t try to connect with you more in HS. Those were awkward times though. The world isn’t ending anytime soon, so there’s still time. I think I will come visit you one day, and we can talk about the finer points of life and then finish the day by walking into the ocean with Gilligan’s Island theme playing out of my CD player boombox. It’ll be awesome, just you wait.

I really didn’t want to make this a shout out blog though. Those are always kind of seclusive and cheesey. My list really isn’t a an exclusive seclusive list. I mean, I’m pretty chill. I LIKE FRIENDS NOW! we shuld toatly hang d0d. But. I’m shy, so deal with it. Then I’ll be fine.

OH OH OH OH OH OH OH
and why I’m excited/tolerating the idea of a road trip,

My awesome car

My newww car. A 2003 Lincoln Town Car LS V8 engine (lol, well, I will have plenty-o-gas money, don’t worry, it’s worth it, keep reading) package of pure epicness. I love it now and have finally moved on from my Lancer. Although, my Lancer had a special place in my heart. Lots of firsts happened in that car. It was an awesome little car. But enough about that.

My Lincoln tank is so fancy, it’s the best car in the world. The back windows are tinted; it has a sun roof; the back SEATS have both butt warming and butt CONDITIONING as do the front seats. It’s seriously the most luxurious car I’ve been in, and it’s mine. Allll mine. And it was extremely cheap. I hope everyone reading this is jealous, because this is the prime example of the sin of Pride. I love my new car. Except, I love it so much, that I don’t mind showing it off and driving people around for hours aimlessly. Smooth, crisp ride. With blaringly loud music (thanks to old CDs as well as Lisa’s CD [ty lisa]).

And so, in the end, life is a roller coaster. I’m sure a few months from now, maybe even weeks, maybe even days, maybe even hours, maybe within the next few minutes.. I could become sad. But that’s okay. I know I will bounce back. I have bounced back. Maybe it’s just in 3’s.. Let’s see.

Friends with Libbie 2002-2004

2005 – Depressed feelings

Friends with Chill Town 2006-summer 07

summer of 07 – fall 08 – Depressed feelings

Friends with a lot of amazing people – winter 08 – present

I don’t think my latest itinerary is set for failure anytime soon. Maybe its non-exclusiveness makes it cool like that. :o anyways, I’m escatic about everything. End transmission.

~ by diagas on February 10, 2009.